Im back at Blush, what can I say, um I’m a clean hustla. I play where the clean hustlas play.
Stripping is starting to bother me. I love what I do but when you don’t have a goal, you feel like wasted space. Wasted time. Wasted piece of human being. Before I continue, I am bipolar and have PTSD. I say “I am bipolar because these last few years, my disease has been running my life. I have not been able to control it to where I have and live with it.
Anyway my money from dancing goes into treating my disease. Not drugs, but small things to keep me somewhat functioning. Getting by, temporary, small, purposeless things. Instead of having a goal like going to college, or buying a house, or making a business plan, my goal is to get through the next 24 hours productively.
I feel like I’ve lost my ambition. I can’t wait to start traveling and stripping. I feel like this will make me ambitious again because I will need to make money. I miss the fire in wanting to be the best ME.
Dozing , goodnight