The beach is like me.
Cold. Empty. Quiet.
My mind is never this quiet. My head is usually pounding with unanswered questions, unresolved issues, and everything in between. Giving up is never this easily thought. My nurse called me today. To our surprise, I have many worries and no anxiety. I’m ready to quit and I have barely begun. I could run again, but I have no where to go. I want to believe I’m finally moving forward and not in circles.
The clubs don’t open til after 6pm. This is not a good sign of a money- making club. Especially when there are casinos everywhere. I’m actually at a casino right now. It’s now after 6p, so its time to try to find work.
Already I miss home. Not my apartment, just the feeling that I belong somewhere. There’s somewhere in this world, I’m supposed to be. Somewhere I make a difference to the people around me. Somewhere I make a change in my own life. Somewhere that’s obviously not here. Why is it so cold here? Come morning, I have a lot to figure out. It may be wrong to drink a corona and pray but alcohol brings out the truth. The truth before I drank some coronas. The truth that we all see so clearly. It’s evident that I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I’ll figure it out one day, one day. Hopefully sooner rather than later…