Where Am I

Where am I? Where am I..A question and also a pondering  thought .I guess can answer

both.

Currently, I am in a bed that’s not my own or rented. I did not have sex in this bed. I have not had sex in four months. TMI*, I get it, so hopefully it ends there. . But I must continue the confession of where I lay. And right now I’m laying in a bed of bad karma.

Before I left for Jersey, I decided it wouldn’t hurt to be more sociable. Instead I found myself entering a private affair. I started spending a lot of personal time with someone I fancied inside and out. As time progressed, I quickly introduced him to my mind, body, and soul expecting him to run immediately. (Perhaps I like the easy way out).Either way, he wasn’t frightened by my messy world. I think he was more saddened in knowing my mind is at war with itself, my work is a mix of stress and release, and my body is reluctant yet eager all at the same damn time!

image

 

Yes, I have more issues than Vogue! And in due time, with GREAT effort, I know it will work itself out. And the great effort is not going to come from a man. It’s going to come from me. There is a saying that misery loves company. It is true. When I’m miserable, I go find my friend Rumplemints and Black N Mild and lock myself in a bathroom. This is the company I want right now.. Why? Because it is time to leave. Misery loves company and I feel as though if I stay I would make him miserable. His only struggle is to see me smile, seriously. I look in his eyes and see his willingness to love. Then I bite my lip, and close my eyes tight wishing I had just finished loving myself a lot sooner, so I could give him more. But its not possible. Shame on me. And yet, I still continue to lay in this bed of bad karma.. (at least for another hour or so).

*TMI means Too Much Information

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One thought on “Where Am I

  1. ben reading your posts. A good place to network with other dancers about clubs in different cities is http://www.stripperweb.com. Maybe you’ve been there and I hope you found some valuable information, if not, search around, ask around in the forums. I found a lot of info that helped me in hunting down locations with money. Good luck to ya lady!

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