“Im sorry.” A never-ending apology, I’m sure, yet sincere. Apologizing for being sad, when you are clinically diagnosed with depression is equivalent to a person with sickle cell apologizing for being in pain. Its pointless. Your diagnosis is not who you are but an “unremovable piece” of who you are. Don’t get me wrong, that “unremovable piece” can grow and consume you.
Some days you win, some days you lose. But before I stress about losing someone, or missing social occasions, I worry more about losing myself. Sometimes I can’t tell if my decisions are influenced by my mood or by me. Am I making any sense? Can anybody hear me? Because I don’t, sometimes I just don’t….
I’ve been thinking about a previous post in which I tried to convey that people having long-term “unremovable piece”‘s or dilemmas should live in their misery alone. I’m glad I’m recognizing the stupidity in my mentality now rather than later.
But I wrote that post not out of genuine belief but out of fear. Fear of someone giving up on me, and not being able to bear my “unremovable piece,” and constantly being misunderstood. Hell, I can hardly understand myself. So if you can’t understand me, I can’t apologize…