You, ugly ol soul you…

I don’t want to write anymore. I can not let my agony have the first or last word of every day. Nor let sorrow reach my soul. Your not welcome here anymore. You hear me!?!

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Written words. Don’t underestimate its power. I did. The mind chooses words on the basis of accuracy. But the soul stresses for its feelings to be heard. It screams and shouts write this! and write that! Wrong word, that’s not how I feel! Whether we (you and I) like it or not, the soul is the creditor and dictator of all creative/free writing. And to think I used to write to escape my soul, when in actuality I was unintentionally embracing it. You sneaky devil soul you…

Now I know I am not the only one with repetitive thoughts of discouragement and doubt of self assurance. But to acknowledge, would be the slightest defeat my I can’t afford. And to write it would bring a triumph exceeding solely within. Because words don’t stay with the writer, they latch on to the soul of the reader. And hence an alliance of heavy soul are made. I can’t do it. I won’t do it. I won’t share my misery. I won’t search for more blogs of broken souls to “follow.” I have to stop looking for people who understand exactly how I feel. Why do we do this? Why do we seek sorrow in entertainment? We all have our favorite tear jerker. Mine is Million Dollar Baby. Why isn’t one sad story enough. Your sad story is enough. And I’m sick of it. Totally done. When you gather strength I hope you do the same. End the bipolar.com/mylifesucksmorethanyours/pityparty345248293. I bid my dark soul goodbye. In hateful memory, may I rest in peace Sasha’s Love. Thanks to everyone who has got me to this point.

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O Happy Day

Look who’s happy. And can you guess why? No, because I haven’t been blogging. I’ve been so busy, and focused lately. Last month’s goal was to take it easy, one day at a time. And I did, and I wish I could keep doing that forever. But, I  consciously know I am truly a mental baby, but its been waaay overdue for me to make some growth in progress. And I did! I don’t drink more than a beer at work. I work almost 4 days a week or until i reach my acceptable financial goal. (Honestly if you can’t triple a day job in less hours, get a day job). I also went to driving school, and received my license without displaying my boobs in a tight low cut top. (Seriously I wore a hoodie). Though I probably passed because I’m a hottie. Lol jokes.. Anyway, the biggest reason why I’m happy is I learned something new at church (next post). And the next biggest reason is me and Pancho are moving! The freedom to be naked all day, and take 4hr baths will soon be in effect.

Moving day this weekend, haven’t told anyone yet. Not even the douchebag we are leasing the room out of the duplex now. He will find out when our shit is gone. He pays the rent two weeks late anyway. I’m not a tidy person but as a woman the bathroom and kitchen are my sanctuary. Not that I keep either place holy, but you get what I mean. And he’s always leaving a mess in the kitchen everywhere for dayssss! You’d think it was a huge 3 day frat party every weekend, and then find out its just a 50 yr. old alcoholic Mexican addicted to Rock n Roll. I’ve seen prostitutes welcomed. And cucarachas as well. I don’t do roaches. Yes, I’m from the District of Columbia but I was raised in Maryland. Roaches only exist in school cafeterias.

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I’m still with my boyfriend so this will be the first Christmas in five years that i won’t be at work or be alone. Not that being alone is a terrible thing. Being alone taught me to love myself or at least try. Every night I think to myself how blessed I am. Even when it seems like I’m not loving myself, I’m loving life. I’m writing down plans for tomorrow, next week, next month, and even five months away!

Don’t know if its the weather, but ambition is burning inside of me to do more. So I’m taking advantage of it while I can, while passion still exist. I got my first credit card this month! Hoorah for me! Now I can rent a car til I can afford my dream Range Rover. Un día, un día. I’ve been trying to obtain my license for two years. So laugh if you want but this was not any easy task. I hit a parked car the day before my test. (And yes the owner of that vehicle was informed and paid for the invisible damages).

In a few weeks, I will kidnap my boyfriend to see my place of serenity. (Kidnap because I’m driving ha ha). I’m kind of nervous because some parts of Florida are like my “spot.” Everyone has a place they go to get away from everything and everyone. There’s never a time when my mind is not thinking except at the beach. Its like my thoughts are crashed by every incoming tide. Instead of becoming frustrated, I stare at the waves, grip a fistful of sand squeeze and repeat. And repeat until my thoughts are only the sound the next wave brings. The ripples changing the rhythm of the my mood. From summertime sadness to an overall peace to loving God’s creations to gratefulness in living another day I had earlier wanted to curse. O happy day please come again tomorrow. Goodnight

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Club Renovation

Posting pictures of the club today. The renovations are not completely finish. We will have an upstairs sports bar that looks down onto the stage. To future employees if I forgot to mention, it is easy to average $250-$400 day shift without “regulars.” So imagine if you were a strong hustler, which means outside of beauty, you use personality, ambition, and wit to connect with the customer in a timely fashion, how much you can make. Oh, and I might seem friendly in my blogs but once you start dancing with me as my colleague, I’m about my money and I don’t hesitate to get mine’s! 

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